I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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