The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
