I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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