Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
