y did u give ur computer a hand job?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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