Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
