i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
