Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
