he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
