Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
