corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize