I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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