North Korea, Best Korea!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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