dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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