Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
