Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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