Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
