After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize