My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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