I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
