I bet he comes in French.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
