question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
