I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
