for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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