i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
