i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
