jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
