OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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