i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I looked at my own cervix.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
