this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
