i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
