Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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