the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
