I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
