you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
