My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
