I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
