So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
