i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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