Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
