I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
