So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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