Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
