I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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