I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize