Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
