not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
