think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
