i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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