i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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