Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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