I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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