I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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