Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
