i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
