It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
