Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is Oprah even human
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
