This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
