My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Im part way to drunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
