she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so let's talk penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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