He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
