Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize