Porn is love you can see.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
