a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
