Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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