Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize