Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
