My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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