my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
