We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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