Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
