yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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