Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Randomize
