You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
