Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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