angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize