Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
