just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
