Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I AM VODKA MAN
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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