dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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