Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize