i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
