come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
