it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
