Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize