whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
