People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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