Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
