i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
