There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
