there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
