those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize