Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
