You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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