hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
