You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
