In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
ttyl tear gas
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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