First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
