I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Who died my cat blue again?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
