He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
