You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize